Friday, January 28, 2011

How Far Would You go to Reject Your Child? Circumcision is Bullying at Birth!

How far would you go to NOT accept your child?
Do you think dangerous and unwarranted surgeries are good enough for your child?
"Ok guggie so scenario a boy gets picked on his whole life for being uncirc'd from other boys in the gym. It's emotionally traumatic. Say he makes that decision to self circ as an adult. Do you think that takes away all the past pain of his adolescence? No it does not. So how about HIS BODY, HIS EMOTIONS AND HIS CHOICE, maybe he didn't want the choice...I do have an uncirc'd friend, he didn't want the choice. But each person/child/situation is going to be circumstantial that is why YES WE as parents just do the best we can and hope teach then not to spew hatred. Your very much entitled to spread your no circ love but I don't think your going about it in a very effective manner and with me your barking up the wrong tree."

I had to reply:

"C----,

I had small breasts, A cups, and was brutally teased my entire teen period. Brutally. I could have decided to get a boob job, would that have taken away all the pain of my adolescence? No, definitely not. 

I guess now we have to start giving boob jobs to baby girls, following your logic?

How about parents do what my parents did and PARENT their children. My parents stood up for me, made it clear that I was a human with rights and dignity and brainstormed comebacks. They walked me through the complaint process. My mom encouraged me to have a healthy body image and respect for my body. They made it clear that I was loved and accepted for ME. They didn't consent to cosmetic surgery on me. They didn't say I was defective or ugly. 

Parenting means being involved in your children's lives and providing life skills to your children so they can grow up into well-adjusted, healthy and happy adults. Parenting should not involve cutting off parts of their bodies to preemptively avoid bullying. That's a horrible life lesson to teach a person, that his body was defective and needed surgery to be "normal" and "accepted."

And where is the line drawn? Parents openly discuss circumcising their sons to "prevent bullying" but what about girls? Shaking your head? Tight vaginas and trim vulvas are all the rage lately. They have to be the right color, the right length and the right spread. Vaginoplasty and labiaplasty surgeries are in high demand. If you think it's right to circumcise your son at birth to protect him from bullying then it's only right to circumcise your daughter at birth to protect her from bullying, too. Her future husband will thank you!

Or maybe her breasts will be too big, or start blossoming too soon. Are you going to iron her breasts to protect her from bullies? What if his eye color is at fault? Will you make him wear color contacts so the bullies like him? What if he's too short, will you make him take hormones to encourage growth? What if she's too fat, will you take her in for surgery on her stomach?

Let's cut to the chase here: forcing the victim to change is catering to the BULLIES, not protecting your child from the bullies. And forcing surgery onto the child IS bullying for that matter. Nothing screams out defeat and victimhood more than, "Mommy and Daddy had my penis shortened at birth so the bullies would pass me over in highschool."

Perhaps cosmetic surgery forced onto healthy baby boys explains the cultural phenomenon of men being "shallow" e.g. caring only about how women look, if their breasts are big enough, if they are skinny enough and if they are sexually appealing enough. Of course men have license to be shallow, since that is what society demanded of them, first. They are only being consistent.

What a confusing message, to force someone to experience surgery on his genitals so he doesn't get teased or bullied or rejected. But then turn around and tell him he is loved just the way he is and that he should love his partner for who she is and not how nice her genitals look.

Since he had to have part of his penis amputated to meet your standards, why should he accept his future partner as-is?




Learn all about circumcision here:

10 Most Common Circumcision Myths: 

"I want him to Look Like Daddy"

Parents share their stories about circumcising their babies: 

How to properly care for your intact baby: 

30 comments:

  1. Amazing. This is pure genius!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I don't think your going about it in a very effective manner"......wow.....just this statement alone...how else are you going to go about this?? all you're doing is telling the truth.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My daughter asked what an intact baby is. I told her 'one without parts chopped off.' I asked her which she would prefer. She said, "One without parts chopped off!"
    My daughter is eight years. Both of her younger brothers are whole dispite their fatehr having had parts amputated. We have not had any problems with their parts. Last I checked, there is now again a higher percentage of people that have not been chopped, so the bullying theory is flawed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I thoroughly agree with this... I'm 4 foot 11 and had DD cup breasts most of the way through high school. I literally begged my mum and doctor to let me get a breast reduction buy as they were not affecting my physical health it wasn't permitted. THANK GOD!!! I'm now 25 years old, I have successfully breastfed two children, I love my boobs and those teenager days are behind me.
    -Cathy Taylor

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hope you don't mind that I used your example when talking to someone about circumcision. I can relate, though, since I was also teased for being barely an A in school.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I still don't get why parents keep going on and on about how their son will be teased for having an intact penis. Seriously?
    Teenaged boys don't stare at each other's junk. If they do, they get called gay and homo and all of those other homophobic slurs. I'm not saying that it's good to make fun of people either way, but... seriously? If there is a teenaged boy staring at another's penis, he is not going to be the one teasING for very long.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fabulous response. Very logical and to the point. You really make a good comparison with the breast size arguement. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I believe this is exactly why bullying is such a huge problem right now. The kid comes home crying and the parents say "kids can be so cruel," and they're just telling their kid that cruelty is exactly what they expect from children, instead of saying, "this is completely unacceptable, I don't care how old you are."

    So, instead of saying, "bullying based on what your penis looks like is entirely unacceptable, I don't care how old you are," this person is saying, "kids are cruel. Let's amputate that part of your body, because abuse is inevitable." We're totally giving in to the norm of psychological violence. We should be fighting it tooth and nail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. " We're totally giving in to the norm of psychological violence. Instead, we should be fighting it tooth and nail."

      Amen sister!
      Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

      I have always worried about teenage girls in the locker room. Too big? Too small? Big bottom? Shaving the pubic hair (a fashion that began in porn), these appearance insecurities now reach the feminine holy of holies, the labia minora. We will simply all have to accept that there is no "standard" female anatomy. But if a woman has learned to accept herself, and not to judge other women, it is easy for her to accept the natural penis. Fortunately, the foreskin is much smaller than most of the aspects of female anatomy that cause some women to judge other women. Female puberty can be a descent into a living hell.

      Delete
  9. Scenario: (Somewhere other than the U.S. *which is over 80% of the world* that does not circumcise their males) A boy gets picked on his whole life for being circumcised from other boys in the gym. It's emotionally traumatic. Say he makes the decision to ------ wait............ there's nothing he can really do.

    How are you going to turn back that clock? You can't. You took something from him you can't just "put back." How are you going to explain that to him?


    That woman is out of her mind and trying to use some idiotic logic.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is such a stupid argument. Children will bully. I was picked on for my hair-cuts, my style of clothes and my intelligence. What cosmetic surgeries at birth would have prevented this? Handling bullies is something children need to be taught, self esteem and self confidence need to be taught. No matter who you are, someone somewhere will attempt to bully you. It's wrong and it needs stopped but by adults stepping in and teaching/preventing not by surgeries on children who cannot consent. You are not allowed to remove any other part of your son and cannot remove any part of your daughter just because you think it looks better or any of the other "reasons" cited. It's just stupid. If I went to a doctor and said "surgically remove my son's nose because I don't like the look of it and he might get teased in school." The doctor would refuse and might just call in a social worker. But if I wish to amputate his foreskin well, more power to me. Stupid, stupid.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am 33 weeks pregnant, we dont know the gender of our baby but my husband and I have had several conversations regarding whether or not to circumcise...after throwing up while I watched the circ video Guggie posted I now without a doubt will NOT torture my son (if the baby happens to be a boy!) especially not for the reason of avoiding ridicule as a child. We need to TEACH and guide our children, not shelter them...my 3 yr old daughter has learned some life lessons at her young age (ie the death of a fish, not getting what she wants, the disappoinment of plans not going as expected...all BIG to a little person) but instead of trying to AVOID or sugar coat these events, her father and I use our words (and hugs!) to talk her through and teach her coping skills that I hope will build her up to be a well rounded loving individual with the ability to THRIVE in this world instead of conforming and getting wrapped up in the negativity of others. If my child were homosexual and were being teased for it, I wouldnt tell them to lie or hide it, I would teach them to be proud and accepting of themselves by showing love and acceptance! My rant could go on.....!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Brilliant Guggie! If we were to try to change everything about our children at birth that might result in teasing later on, then we would be doing all sorts of plastic surgery. I have albinism, so my parents would have had to begin dyeing my hair as a baby. Is the appropriate reaction to racism to have all babies of color receive skin lightening treatments from birth, and have their hair bleached and straightened to spare them of racially based mistreatment at birth? On that note, maybe baby girls should receive sex change operations at birth so that they don't get paid less as adults for doing the same job. And of course, there's the argument that others have mentioned that uncirc'ed boys don't get teased in the gym anyway. My husband and every man I asked about this said the same thing as the person above- that if another boy were to admit that he looked at the penis of another boy he'd be teased mercilessly for it. And lastly, since the majority of boys are now uncirc'ed, it's hard to imagine this resulting in "not" fitting in.

    ReplyDelete
  13. If more people would teach their children that being accepting of others for who they are is the only way to be, then maybe it wouldn't be an argument in the first place. There are too many parents now days that, when they hear of their child teasing or bullying another, simply join in with their child in trash-talking someone else. If those people would actually parent their children, would this even be an argument (however silly an argument it may be)?

    ReplyDelete
  14. All kids get picked on, for all sorts of stupid reasons. Boys who tease an intact boy are jealous that they don't have a whole penis.
    My son is intact and so grateful that he is. Intact is NORMAL and he knows that. Teach your son that he is NORMAL and that being circumcised will not stop any teasing. But it will rob him of his full sexuality. It will make sex less pleasurable for both himself AND his mate.
    As the parent you must help your kids have good self esteem. If your child came home and said other kids called him fat, would you take him for liposuction? Or if he was teased for having a big or small nose, what then? Rhinoplasty?
    You have to reinforce to your son that he is PERFECT just the way he is. When he gets older he will be so glad he kept his body intact.
    Tell him the next time some jerk teases him to tell them that he has a bigger, better dick and they got ripped off! Literally.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey, if your intact friend is single, shoot me his number! I love whole men! The sex is so much better than with cut men.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow! Just Wow!!
    When I was in elementary school I started developing. By 5th grade I had to start wearing a bra, totally bypassing training bras. I was teased so bad throughout middle school I was tortured by flat chested girls for having a C-cup. By that *insert not nice word here*'s reasoning I should have had my breasts removed just so I could fit in and be prevented from the crap I went through. The sad thing is that some people refuse to understand that children will always have something different about them that others will make fun of. Chopping off body parts won't ever stop that.

    ReplyDelete
  17. According to the stats, circumcision the year my son was born was down to about 33% in the US. That means that my intact son will be in the MAJORITY among his peers. It will be the circ'ed boys that are the minority. So the bullying argument, which was stupid before, is non-existent now.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anyone whose sole argument is that the boy will be teased because he wasn't mutilated isn't really thinking things through. If everyone would stop this idiotic practice, there'd be no teasing. Of course, the locker room argument is a lie anyway. Teenage boys do not stare at each other's genitals in the locker room - they go out of their way to make sure their genitals are NOT exposed for everyone to see.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Excellent post! My son is intact (thanks to many blogs and people online who pass on great and logical information) and if he's ever teased about it, I plan on educating him about bullying. Not giving him permission to change his body to fit what other people want of him!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Guggie, you rock my socks.

    ReplyDelete
  21. How can a parent be so presumptuous as to know what penis fashion will be 12-15 years in the future? And why alter the penis supposedly to make a boy more popular during his teens? Once he's out of high school, what his penis is like will matter to only one person: the woman with whom he is having sex.

    A boy in high school who gets ribbed about the eyelid on his trouser snake should say "those bits aren't eye candy for you buddy. Their job is to turn on the woman I'll marry some day."

    If intact boys are in the majority, they have to learn to not comment on the circed boys, who could be Jewish or Moslem. Likewise, if cut boys are in the majority, they have to learn that intact is perfectly natural.

    Boys will not all have the same penis, and stripping off the foreskin will not reduce humiliation. Even more embarrassing than foreskin is the small embedded penises of chubby boys. I saw that many times in while growing up.

    No two women have the same breasts and nipples. And all of us simply have to accept that as part of nature's way. The job of women's breasts is to feed her children, not to turn us men on.

    A baby girl is born in the USA. She is so sweet in her dresses and boys and stuffed animals. Then in her early teens she goes through puberty, and enters a hell paved with sexual and social insecurities. Her breasts are developing too slow or too fast. They are too big or too small. Her buttocks embarrass her. Her hips are too wide, or she has no hips like a skinny boy. How much skin should she reveal, especially at the beach. Should she shave her pubic hair or not, especially if the alpha girls in gym class often shave down there. Do boys think she is fat. And the worst of all: she fears that boys will reject her because her labia aren't "right."

    I completely agree with the angry feminists who called for a total revolt against this conformist appearance tyranny.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I had HORRIBLE acne s a kid, i was called pizza face, i had ice balls thrown at my head, because i was "ugly" should my mother have just aborted me so i would not suffer the pain? Wow. The man has penis/ foreskin envy.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think the bullying argument can go both ways. The non-circ'ing parents refer to it (and teach their children) that circ'ing is mutilation and such. These children can easily grow up to discriminate against circ'd children (just as it can be the other way around).

    I think we should teach our children to accept all, and grown up to choose a partner for who they are, and what they have to offer rather than whether they are "mutilated" or vice versa and have an "anteater"

    I'm all for raising awareness about not circ'ing, but I've heard some extremely harsh things said, and I think a lot of it sends the wrong message. Until circumcision is completely eradicated, we're much further along to teach acceptance of it. A male isn't defined by the look of his penis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nor are circumcised men necessarily sexually inferior.

      Delete
  24. Kids will likely get picked on for any number of things. As a child I had glasses (3rd grade, and I still wear them). I was called four eyes. I was called goggle face. I was called many things. But I needed my glasses to see, without them I was legally blind. I also developed earlier than the girls in our class. If I wore anything fitted, I got comments "Did they grow MORE?" "You should at least TRY to hide them." If I wore horizontal stripes, OH MY! And since my name is Jessica, I would get the *cough*JessicaRabbit*cough*... and my favorite, my best friend's younger brother asking "Why do you stuff your bra?"

    Some of the comments were hurtful and challenging to overcome. Some were damaging. But what should I have done? A third grader can't really wear contacts. Aside from wearing large frumpy clothes I couldn't hide my breasts, and then I'd just get made fun of for dressing like an old lady (and with the glasses, it would have been killer.)

    That is not a good enough reason to cut a piece of your perfect child off, in my opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Unfortunately, in every definition, forced circumcision is mutilation, the same as forced sexual intercourse is rape.

    The words are unpleasant, but survivors should not be pushed into shame and the public absolutely should not play into protecting the perpetrators.


    People should not be defined by what was done to them. But we aren't here to further attack the humans who are being violated. We use the term mutilation b/c circumcision is harming someone very seriously and it's time to stop pretending otherwise. It's not a have/have not worldview. To compare accurate discussion to bullying words such as "anteaters" is simply reducing the promotion of human rights to a little tit for tat.

    ReplyDelete