Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Seeing Your Partner in a Positive Light

Some of you might remember my post on how we perceive our children: Seeing Your Child in a Positive Light. It's a post about how I was doubting my child and assuming she couldn't be a kind, caring person unless I forced her to act that way.

Are we quick to think the best or worst of people?
Do we act too quickly on negative thoughts?
Do we make things complicated by trying to figure out the situation on our own, instead of keeping it simple by engaging the other person, speaking directly and using honest communication?

I don't know about you, but I'm far from perfect. Every day is a new day for me to try again. And I've been guilty of all the above questions. Here's my most recent life lesson.

For the last 2 weeks, I've felt a little distant from my partner. Did I let him know about my feelings? No. I just pushed them away and ignored it.

Then I saw some money missing from our account. And he seemed really detached. I started to notice little things to feel bad about. He spent too much time playing videogames at night (IMO). Was he telling me he doesn't care to chat? He forgot to start a load of laundry. Was he telling me he doesn't care about our house?  I want some attention! Except instead of communicating my needs to him, I said them in my head.

Then I got a little angry. What gives?

I asked him where the money went. He refused to tell me! HOLY MOLY!

Fear. Anger. Insecurity. Anxiety. What's going on? Why is this happening?

I started digging around. Notice how I haven't kept it simple? What I needed to do was call a time-in with my partner, get on his level, reconnect and communicate with him. Instead, I was trying to do things on my own from a negative standpoint. Unconditional parenting is all about assuming the best in a person, but I wasn't applying that to my adult relationship.

Aha! I found some purchases for fast food. He went out to eat! I start to think rude, judgmental things. He's using up money to eat junk food? Suddenly, I'm getting silly about it, stewing in my own head...perhaps he has a food addiction! Is he depressed? What else is he lying about?

Tonight, he gives me a little envelope. What for??? My birthday.

What's in it? The money to pay for a Placenta Encapsulation class. "Happy birthday! I believe in you! You will be a wonderful birth supporter for many women."

It's hard to see through the tears. So much anger and fear...created out of nothing. Next time, I hope I can follow my own advice:

Keep it simple.
Keep it direct.
Keep it honest.
Keep it open.

Assume the best from your children and your partners. Give them the benefit of the doubt. You might be pleasantly surprised.

If you liked this post:

You no good jerk!

Unconditional Partners


  1. I needed this :) I have been very frustrated with the hubs lately over little silly things, that I've forgotten to notice all the WONDERFUL things he also does! ;) Thanks again for the uplifting blog post.

  2. Awww! I am still learning this one too. That voice in my head likes to make me doubt my husband :(