Friday, July 6, 2012

Your Choice

The last few days have been filled with a lot of bizarre interactions. I finally reached my fill today, and poured my heart out to DH (Dear Husband). I guess he energized me, because when we got home, I poured it out to my friends. Now I'm going to place it here for safekeeping and sharing.

 I feel that I carry too many words in my heart, all bunched in there, unsettled and poking me until I can share them. So let's get this out in the air.

It's my opinion. We can agree to disagree. There is no right or wrong way. Everyone is different. Don't judge me. I parent the way that works for me. My child, my choice. My body, my choice. It's a personal decision. You have no right to tell me what to do. You have no right to say I'm wrong. You can't make me feel guilty. I was _______ and I'm fine! 

Well, you know what? Thanks a lot, all you people who vaccinated the hell outta your kids. Now we have super strains. Now we have interrupted transmission, shifting demographics, weakened immune systems, and epigenetic curses.

You know what? Thanks a lot, all you people who circumcised your sons. You decided how sex will feel and work for thousands of people. You will never have sex with your son, but every single one of his partners will have to deal with your decision. And so will he.

Guess what, all you people who ran to the doctor's office to pop antibiotics like an addict pops vicodin, now we all get to enjoy super bugs.

And thanks a lot, really, for passing on a cycle of shame, terror, impaired intrapersonal and interpersonal development, narcissism and the general inability to empathize, to accurately assess emotions or to resolve conflict in a relationship with your punitive parenting

Because, you know what? I protected my children from vaccines. I promoted a normal, healthy flora in their bodies and sustained them w/ the food they were made to eat. But your mutant-zombie-vaccine-viruses don't discriminate.

And mmmm, yes, I always wanted my children to appreciate flesh-eating diseases and bugs that can't be killed even with broad IV antibiotics. I'm so glad that now when my child might want to make an informed decision to use antibiotics for an actual medical need, it won't matter, because they won't work.

It just chaps my ass to think about the healing, the tears, and the work my children might do in the future if they choose to have sexual relationships.

Oh, and when you grabbed your child's arm at the park and shamed her, yelled at her, slapped her? You think that's your choice? You think that's your right as a parent? You think I need to butt out? Well, thanks a lot, Stranger. YOUR choice had MY child crying in the car, sobbing hysterically, telling me to turn around and save her friend. YOUR CHOICE. YOUR choice made my daughter flinch.

It's YOUR choice to cover a baby girl's completely undeveloped breast buds, telling MY daughter that she is somehow different and inferior. It's YOUR choice to harass me while I'm nursing, telling MY daughter to expect harassment when caring for babies.

It's YOUR choice to hit your child in public, telling MY child that adults resolve conflict with violence.

It's YOUR choice to vaccinate or overuse medications, passing on a new ecosystem to my child.

It's YOUR choice to use GMOs, contaminating all the crops. Need I go on?

It's YOUR choice....YOU are the parent. YOU call the shots. You. All about you. Nothing but you. Everything for you. Only your feelings matter. Only your decisions matter. Only your health matters. Only your problems matter. It turns out all that spanking done to you as a child didn't make you a respectful, compassionate, loving person who can help OTHERS, care about OTHERS, respect OTHERS or love OTHERS.

You were ________ and you are NOT fine. Thanks a lot, Stranger, for ruining it for MY child.

And yes, I know that part of my parenting journey includes THIS...this part where I look my daughter in the eye and tell her that these things happen, that people CHOOSE to act this way and CHOOSE to do these things to little people. I know my journey includes this part where I tell her that this is how it works in our society. Where I try to explain why a daddy yelled at her boobies for being exposed. Where I uncover her baby doll and try to calm her down. Where I keep my cool when she practices a shaming technique on her brother, thanks to watching parents at the park.

But PARDON ME, I will express anger at this FORCED duty. You know, because it's YOUR choice and all. YOUR choice, YOUR freedom, YOUR right.

And I know people are out there saying, "Oh, just teach her that people do it differently. Teach her that big people hit little people. Teach her that parents set their baby in a crib and walk away. Teach her that parents kill and cut babies. Teach her all of this. Tell her everyone is different and we are all one big cup of fake, superficial happiness."

They say narcissism is a BPD that revolves around a fragile self-esteem. And I'm beginning to understand this after some insightful interactions that I observed today. What is your self-esteem like if you are so sure that your child is an ass, an arrogant, stupid brat? If the offspring YOU created, YOU bore in your womb and brought into this a bad, bratty, dirty being who needs to be hurt to be "fixed" then what are you saying about yourself?

What is society saying about YOU when society says your breasts are too dirty to breastfeed? Is your vagina too nasty and useless to birth? Your boy so incompetent and dirty that circumcision is required? Your milk so lacking, you must supplement? Your genetics so faulty, you must vaccinate? Your humanity, your very soul, so tainted that you must hit the children you produce? Or for some, even, your children so defective, unwanted, unaccepted, you must kill them?

Self-esteem. Pffffft say a lot of people. That liberal self-esteem kick. Blah blah self-esteem. Don't let the kids get too big headed. Cut' em down, literally. Smack 'em down. Show 'em who's boss. What a cycle of violence and hatred!

A cycle YOU want to shove onto MY children. I'm sure you are thinking, "Tell your daughter to shut up, to stuff her emotions, ignore her instinct and turn her ahead away from clear suffering. When she cries in response to her friend being hit, tell her to smile instead. Stuff it really deep. Invalidate her emotions and destroy any sense of humanity in her heart. She'll get over it. She'll learn."

 "She'll be just fine," you want to tell me.

 Of course, because then YOU can keep doing what YOU want.

I don't want my children to be just fine. That's my point. So what if she does turn out to be strong enough to endure what she will witness, be forced to cooperate in or otherwise have to "tolerate" for the rest of her life. That doesn't make YOUR choices okay and it doesn't settle my anger.

How about the vaccine-derived polio virus that mutated, entered the general population and is killing people in Nigeria? I guess if she gets it and survives, fly the flag of happiness? At least she survived?

How about when she witnesses adults hitting children? I guess she will figure out how to process the violence and live with it?

How about their futures, when the honeybees are dead, the GMO crops have spread out of control and the land is contaminated? At least YOU will be dead so YOU don't have to live with it?

Here's a little newsflash: The choices YOU are making...have taken away choice for MY (and YOUR) children and their future.  Clearly, tolerance and choice are only for YOU in this society!

 Sorry if all the children got in YOUR WAY!

So, next time you want to talk to me about YOUR choices and tell me to stop judging you or somehow stop my magical power of restricting your rights from this small corner of the interwebz, just cut the BS. You want to make choices that will hurt other people, change their lives, change their futures and take away THEIR choices. Look in the mirror.


  1. I think I love you.
    Thank you for putting my feelings into your words. Here in Mississippi everything you described is sadly the only normal most little ones will ever know. I can proudly say, though, that my 4 cherished babies are treated with respect, love and peace...
    Thank you!

  2. Oh THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! for saying what my heart felt but my brain can't seem to vocalize in such a way! You see, I WAS spanked and I DID NOT turn out ok. I thank God for what yo do Guggie!

  3. Oh wow! Can just say how much I love you for this post!

  4. The irony is that those of us who don't vaccinate are sometimes accused of thinking only of ourselves.

  5. Have you ever thoght about running for public office. I would so vote for u guggie

  6. You speak the trut guggie. i love your work.

  7. This is exactly how I feel and why I tend to speak up, not as nicely as some others do btw, but I speak up all the same. Modeling does a lot but some folks just don't get it.:/

  8. Some of these people making these choices, they likely grew up in homes where they had to cry it out, where they were ignored and formula fed. They learned that their cries would not get a response. They learned helplessness. It's hard to make an active choice when you don't even realise you have one. They learned to say YES to "experts" and to be unhappy and helpless in that. It is sad that they will teach their children exactly the same, because children learn by watching, not by listening. These people learned also that their parents loved them, and so doing what they have seen done seems to be a natural response. A lot of people will never be blessed enough to learn a different way. Showing compassion for these people will teach your children a lot more than your anger will. I understand your anger (i work on mine every day). You sound like a thoughtful, terrific person who is mindful of many things. Just giving you some more food for thought. thanks for this blog- it's awesome. You are doing wonderful work sharing your knowledge.

    1. Thank so much for that food for thought! I am actually starting to come out of the shell of too much positive behavior. I started to take on the tone of some other people and it's not right for me. But I understand your points and appreciate the gentle correction. :)

  9. I had a little laugh...I am amazed to see you so feisty! Good for you for saying how you feel...and how WE feel. Thank you for just SAYING IT. Thank you. THANK YOU.
    I also want to say that I am so very sorry that your daughter had to see her friend being hit. What a horrible thing. And how horrible for that little girl who was being hit to not only have to face that violence, but the humiliation of being hit in public. Horrible.