"First, I'd like to thank you for all the support I see you post for all sorts of birth and loss. Second, if you choose to post about this I'd like to remain anonymous.
I gave birth on Saturday to my fourth baby. A boy. He is beautiful and healthy. It was an intended homebirth. I had seen a well respected midwife beginning at 8 weeks into the pregnancy. I got to 41 weeks 3 days when she wanted me to have a biophysical profile done.
Well, my baby failed the test. They gave me a 2 for fluid levels and said my placenta was a grade 3. She came to my home to tell me we needed to induce. I told her I wanted another opinion so we went late that night to her OB friend and he saw movement but said the placenta looked ready.
She, her student, and my husband pushed for induction. They said baby only had a 25% survival rate and I should just be having a csection anyways. I was made to feel selfish, and that I would be saved by this almighty induction.
Now, I am grieving. I will never have my peaceful home birth. I will never be without the trauma of 36 hours of labor. I will never get back the lost moment, when I wasn't able to celebrate my daughter's second birthday because I was strapped down in the hospital.
I feel as if I cannot forgive them and I am struggling so badly with this. I am of course very thankful for my boy. He's perfect. And I thank God he IS okay. But that doesn't take away the hurt. I will always feel robbed. I know he would've been okay and that I should've walked out of that hospital.
I know that I would still be holding a healthy baby boy. Where do I go from here? I'm left with the financial burdens of unintended hospital birth, a midwife who seems to think I got lucky thanks to her, and a husband who is oblivious to the damage. Where do I go? What do I do? Who do I decide to believe?"
|Another mama, Krystal, shares a photo of her third c-section|
after preparing for a VBAC.
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