Dear Formula Company,
Fuck you. Not only did you have to throw gasoline on the mommy wars. Not only did you have to twist your little victimized puppets even more so they get all teary eyed and feel at home in their victimized roles. Not only did you have to confirm that breasts only sell beer or belong on porn sites. Not only did you distract from necessary, reasonable discourse on infant health. Not only did you brazenly use female insecurities to profit.
But, you also made the males a group of dumb, lazy, uneducated dads who don't really care either way and relinquish any important decisions to the female, as if we aren't invested in the health and wellbeing of our babies. As if we are incapable of caring about something as important as what babies grow on.
Once again to make a buck, a company has decided to characterize us as bumbling idiots who can't be bothered to stand up for what's important or who would rather grill some dogs and laugh about boobs than stand tall next to our females. Really, the big spot we get on your mega-million commercial is the overused repertoire of men sitting around a picnic table talking about the female breast?
Your ad has a lot wrong with it, on many levels, some of which are probably lost on people who refuse to learn about basic marketing techniques or who don't want to open their eyes to the psychological techniques in the advertising industry.
A lot of mothers probably watched your ad with oxytocin flowing as tears ran down their cheeks. The hate! The oppression! Oh, the hardships of the evil ladies with boobs a'flopping everywhere coming after them! How wonderful that a formula company has come to save the day. For a price.
You could've stopped there. It was enough to take something as important as the complete nutrition and emotional development of infants and denigrate it to the level of a personal opinion. But, no. You had to add in the dads.
Well, let me remind you. Dads are not stupid. We are not pliable formula mouthpieces. We might not easily or naturally lactate, but we still parent.
When my wife was learning how to breastfeed, I was by her side. When the babies awaken at night, I'm there to help. I've read a damn piece of medical literature or two or eighty. I've done what I can to support, encourage, and appreciate my wife's breastfeeding relationship with my children.
I am not a mindless, stupid drone who thinks boobies are for me to motorboat or stare at on a porn site.
You can take your pseudo-psychology marketing gimmicks and shove them in a can of formula. At least one dad didn't buy into your dumbed down message and sure didn't appreciate your attempt to once again frame men as spineless idiots.
And I sure as hell don't wear crotchdanglers. For genitals' sakes, did you have to show so many crotchdanglers?
With a sincere "Fuck You,"
~ A dad who gives a shit
© Sanfis Daly
End the Best Campaign
The Formula Piper
Why I'm Sour on Similac
You know the one