Friday, February 26, 2016

Don't get hitched to your OB/Midwife!

When people ask me if I could give one piece of advice, or one food for thought that could help the most expecting mothers. When women demand, "But, what do I REALLY need to know?" "What is the best thing I can do???"

Here's my answer.

Don't marry your doctor. Or midwife. Nurse. Or MIL.
The role changes, but the song is the same. When you're determined to emotionally attach yourself to this person and defend this person, then you will be unable to care for yourself and your baby.

I know that deep down women know this. Because they come to me, and they ask for help. They ask for another opinion. They ask for more ideas. But then when I suggest something or probe to learn about what HAS been tested/researched, I get the marriage statements.

"Oh. Oh, well, he's WONDERFUL. He's the best!"
"I'm sure she did all that. She's really smart."
"I have a GREAT OB. I couldn't think of doing all that stuff. I'm in good hands."
"My naturopath is amazing."
"Uh, I don't know if I can do that. I'll see if he will let me."
"But, if I do that, she would be so disappointed."
"I can't leave him! He's been with me since I got pregnant!"
"I could never do that. It's betrayal."

DO NOT MARRY THEM. They are EMPLOYEES who WORK FOR YOU. And if they aren't working for YOU and YOUR BABY'S ABSOLUTE best interest, then tell them. IF they don't respond apologetically, then fire them.

The victim/abuser cycle plays out in our lives in every relationship all around us until WE say no. If you're having second thoughts, if you're realizing your options are limited, if you're noticing that your standards are violated, then WALK AWAY. You are not married to this person. Demand better. Raise the rent, kick them out. You and YOUR BABY are worth it.


My toddler figured it would be helpful if I brushed my teeth.
I suppose the cute doulas don't need to be kicked out. ;)

Related:

Stop mothering your care provider

Our bodies are not defective

5 signs of a controlling assistant

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