Those words blinked at me today. I was standing in the bathroom, sensor poised on my tongue, children clamoring and jabbering in the background. I looked down.
Was that moment, that feeling, that almost indiscernible jolt what people feel everyday when they battle infertility?
I mean, it certainly wasn't a reasonable sensation for me to feel. I'm nursing three children right now. My youngest turns 3 months old on the 5th. We're trying to avoid a pregnancy, not achieve a pregnancy. And infertility isn't my cross in this life, at least right now, unforeseen future pending.
Welcoming children into our family occurred seamlessly. We started right away with our first born. And we quickly had our result as one afternoon I heaped a pile of pickles onto my plate. DH laughed at me. We smiled at each other, knowing we were right, fully expecting our baby.
And then there was the day I woke up thinking about babies.
"I'd like a baby," I told DH one morning.
"Really, another one?" He eyed me suspiciously.
"Yes, a baby boy. We'll name him Ian, after your father. Ian Daly." I was excited. Presumptive. Of course we could have another baby. Without a second thought or trouble or any adversity whatsoever.
We did go on to have that baby. We did name him Ian, after DH's father.
|Ian's birth story: http://guggiedaly.blogspot.com/2010/12/ian-dalys-birth-story.html|
|Ciaran's birth story: http://guggiedaly.blogspot.com/2012/02/birth-story-of-ciaran-james.html|
That line I took for granted. That line I didn't even bother with for Ciaran, refusing to pee on a stick to learn something I already knew.
It was only a moment. Yet I felt a drop in my stomach, as if I had run to the edge of a cliff and looked over the edge, peering down into blackness, my mortality represented by darkness and an eternity of black. I can't take my fertility for granted anymore.
When I began this fertility journey, committed to blogging about my experience and originally wanting only to compare various charting tools for my crunchy friends, I didn't know I was starting on a journey of such stark self-awareness. The discovery of what could be and what might not be has begun.
My beginning post:
Naprotechnology uses NFP to assess and begin treatment for infertility and other female issues:
This institute is dedicated to finding answers:
50 top infertility blogs for support and understanding: